I can’t explain my lack of ability to write anything in more than 3 months. But, I can say that me blaming it on the unavailability of my laptop, or my studies, was just an excuse.
You wake up one fine day, and realize that it has all fallen apart. Everything that could’ve possibly gone wrong, has. And then, by the end of the day, you’re shocked to see that it could’ve and did get worse. But, it just does happen that way. More often than not.
It’s tough to come to terms with what happens to you. Even tougher to act as if it’s just a passing phase and things will be fine.
Being in a similar situation in the last few months, gave me a chance to assess myself and what I’ve been going through. There’s just one word to express it: fear.
We struggle. Everyday, in everything, all the time. And in all that, the only thing that holds us back, is fear.
We begin faltering at simple things, and the devil miniature hovering behind our head, induces the fear in us, tells us, that we’ll fail at bigger things too. We believe that, and we push ourselves to still try, knowing that we’ll fail, knowing that we’ll screw ourselves more than we’ve ever, knowing that we’ll fall, harder this time.
It isn’t we being vulnerable. It’s we trying to tell ourselves that things will be fine, when we just so terribly know, that they won’t. That they haven’t been, in a while. And they will be the same until we can get past the fear that bondages us.
But, what happens when we get afraid? When we fall? When our myth for ourselves that we’re invincible, falls? The person who you think is the strongest, most resilient, goes down? What happens then?
Life happens then.
It’s tough to get past our fears. And just as they say, the one who appears to be the strongest, gets hurt the most. To find the way back, comes later. To look around, to sit, to stand, to walk, and then to fly away to the goal; that’s what should happen. And then reality bites, because that never, ever happens.
We want to walk before we stand up, fly before we can open our eyes, because we are ones who can never falter. We are ones who everyone looks upto as the strong ones. And we forget, we are also the ones who are allowed to fall. And so we fall into the cage again. The cage where all you feel is afraid.
Fear can hold you prisoner. Hope can set you free.
How do we hope when reality fails us? How do we hope when life threatens us? How do we hope when it’s just a million piece puzzle in front of our eyes? We just do… We somehow, always, just do…
And there’s something we need to remember. A phoenix isn’t born. A phoenix is created, adorned with the name that suits him, because of his actions. Because he rose from the ruins, and soared to where he never dreamed he would, he could.
When he was afraid, he hoped. He hoped to heal his wounds. He hoped to recover. And he rose beyond what he had achieved, yet. And for the centuries to come, his name was emboldened as the phoenix…