Let’s face it. Acceptance is a tough nut to crack.
In the course of these 18 years of my life, and especially the last few months and years, I have come to realize this. Strangely, it’s a fact that everyone of us knows about. Just that, very few of us can accept it. Acceptance of the acceptance? Sounds a bit weird, isn’t it? Let me get clearer in saying what I’m trying to, here.
When we’re children, we are used to having things our way. Our wishes, our endless rants, our innocent tears, seemed to get us whatever we want, from our parents and practically whoever was concerned! As time went by, our methods change, but, we still are keen enough to just have things our way, and no other way. We learn to hear, but not to listen and comply. The toughest thing to do, is to let go of what we ‘want’ and how we picture things to be, to accept something for the way it is.
Sounds like eating an ice-cream, right? But it’s much more difficult. True thing.
When was the last time you fought or argued with someone? Anyone? I believe, not so long ago? The reason? The difference of opinion, their actions which hurt your feelings, their words which punched through your heart. Really?
Whom are we kidding? The fact that hurts us is not that their opinion is different, but, that they can’t accept and comply by our opinions instead. The fact that hurts us is not their actions, but our desire that they wouldn’t and shouldn’t do that. The fact that hurts us is not that their words were hurtful, but that they were different from what you wanted and expected from them.
Long ago, I wrote a post titled ‘Need, Want or Expect‘, this one begins from just there, where I left that one. We may understand what we need, want or expect, but, do we understand, and over that, do we respect what someone else needs, wants or expects? In this daily tryst of life, don’t we stop at being who we are to accomplish all that we need, want and expect?
Face the facts. You do that. I do that. All of us, surely, at some point, every bloody day, do that.
But, we fail in ‘accepting’ the same. We justify ourselves to someone who gets hurt from our opinions, actions or words. But, we don’t want to be justified to! We do believe that someone is wrong, but not accept that we can go wrong. We do believe that we were fair in doing what we did, but, they were wrong in doing what they did.
We have all our excuses, loaded with reasons and unending explanations, but not a ear to listen to someone else’s story.
And more than it all, how far do we and would we go to accept that someone didn’t do something as we expected them to, and yet, be happy and completely fine about it without adding any bitterness to the relationship we share with that person?
I know I don’t. I’m a very rigid person myself. I have my own set of rules and values, which I can’t and don’t give up on. And I do expect those close to me, to abide by them and respect them, regardless. You answer for yourself, I won’t judge.
Are we taking away from someone their individuality by forcing our feelings and beliefs on them? Are we trying to make them someone that suits us, over someone they are? Are we actually making someone a replica of our own selves?
I don’t mean to say that compromises and adjustments we make, for being happy in our relationships and ultimately, life, are wrong. They are necessary, no second thought. But, what about the ideology of an individual and his/her own set of values? Should we change them too?
I do understand that after one point of a relationship, the best thing would be to have a common ground on the most fluctuating issues, but, only with complete acceptance of the fact that it’s for the best of the people involved. I do know that it’s necessary to know and feel the way the person you are sharing the relationship with, does.
Still, maintaining our individual traits. Still, knowing who we are. But still, accepting that even though we are giving up what we wanted, it’s great. Still, being happy and content. Still, not just being fine, but being ‘happy’ about doing things the way someone who matters to us, wants. Still, knowing that what the person wants us to do, is for our best interest.
I have understood that this acceptance breaks the back. I have been trying to accept a variety of things, since when I learnt the very meaning of this word, and yet, I can’t bring myself to accept them. There are somethings that I just can’t help but get angry or upset about! But, there’s where the acceptance has to stem from. That’s where the acceptance begins from, US.
The acceptance that things won’t always be the way we want them to, and they can still be perfect. The acceptance that our lives, though ours, won’t be just ours and is about a lot many other people, too. The acceptance that our actions might hurt someone, but, at times that hurt is something you can’t avoid. The acceptance that just the way your heart is pricked, someone else’s is tormented, too. The acceptance that living is about not being selfish. The acceptance… Yes, the acceptance of life.
I do believe, that, acceptance is noble. To accept, is to respect…
Happy New Year 2012, my dear readers! May 2012 teach us how to accept!