>Demeanor Of Guilt

>Warning: I am not sure why I am writing this… But I am sure this one comes as a surprise to everyone, just as it does to me…

Guilt… Such a strange word… A broad meaning… Different applications… Wide usage… But, the underlying feature of all forms of them, is still just the same… Pain, regret, hurt… And after the guilt ride’s over, things are never the same as they were before… Guess that’s the reason each one of us, runs away from this word forgetting that it will collide with us, in some form or other, at some stage of our life…

This is the strange relation of guilt with our lives. Everyone of us does make that one mistake for which we consider ourselves unforgivable. How much ever we try to pacify ourselves, our loved ones try to convince us, all the efforts end up in vain as the guilt resurfaces sooner or later… But, in most cases, sooner than later.

That’s how we are. And for those lucky ones, there are more than one such inexcusable parts of our lives…

For some, guilt is a part and parcel of life… For some, it is a way of living… And for the rest of us, it’s something that ‘was’ a part of our life. Those who have learnt from their mistakes, and moved over their guilts. They appear to have. But somewhere deep inside, they still lament over what has happened. What it effect… What changes life made to them… Where they are today because of that one moment, second, minute or day… Where they would have been…

But it isn’t as it may seem. Guilt is a feeling that’s far more complex than just regretting and knowing it’s wrong… Guilt is a feeling that is far more obscure… Guilt is something that can destroy, and does destroy relations… But it also builds new ones on the foundation of trust and understanding. Those which are built by walking on the glass guilt spreads on their way… Guilt is something that changes the way we are, we look at things. Sometimes, it works for our better… Sometimes it doesn’t. And it’s just these few people in our lives, our relationships with whom cross the challenge of guilt, who can make it all fine for us. Who can help us make believe that everything is fine… That life is better without that phase of guilt…

Acceptance of being wrong is rare. And even rare is the ability to cope with the fact that we were wrong. I guess that’s the reason, that’s the place where ego and guilt coincide to form this reality of their co-existence…

Pain, regret, loss, running away from reality… What all can guilt do to us! It’s sometimes compelling for me (and probably many of us) to just let our heads drift into an unknown world… The world where we are free of our guilts… Our mistakes… Our pains… The so-called ‘ideal world’… And strangely, it isn’t as much a joy ride as it may seem. Because finally, we have accepted our lives to be such. Filled with guilt, pleasurable in the pain, and drowned within regrets… That’s how we see ourselves…

Probably that’s even how we wish we would die. We can’t see ourselves as a burden to others. May be, their being compelled to being around us is something that even they don’t wish to do… And when we realize this fact, life gets tougher…

Guilt, I believe is the prime reason for broken relationships, shattered dreams, torn families, for those rags-to-riches-to-rags stories, for suicides, for every tear that you shed when you see your loved ones in pain because of you, for every fake smile you put up so that someone would believe in it and smile for themselves, for those lost hopes, for those burnt memories, for those who lead a life searching for their reason and motive in life, for those who end up making a mess of their life just because they couldn’t hold themselves in that one moment, for those who are left alone, for those who live alone and for those who die alone…

We aren’t perfect… We make mistakes… We fall, we falter… And stand up, we do… At least, some of us do… While the rest remain, Deameanors Of Guilt…!

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About Setu Shah

Hello there. I am Setu Shah. I began blogging to put my opinions and my views in front of the world. Do comment if you find it interesting or request a change! Happy Reading! View all posts by Setu Shah

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