Monthly Archives: July 2010

>Dreams – The Reality…

>Two of the most antithetic, contradictory words… Dreams and reality. And when I use them together in the title, that’s sure to attract a few raised eyebrows…

One of them talks about the reality we want, and the other is a picture of the reality that exists… Both, paradoxical to each other.

But yes, I am still talking sane. The reality of the dreams, or, the dreams of the reality… The way you put it, is how you would perceive it.

One of the most fascinating topics for me, has always been the occurrence of dreams, the reasons behind them, the connections they have to reality… And may be that’s the reason, dreams are the real game-benders in my to-be-maiden-novel ‘The Girl’.

Even so, I have been on a constant look-out for reasoning as to where, how, which and when do dreams affect us. It’s really a very faint and vivid memory that we have most of the times, but, the effects are drastic. That’s disturbing, at times.

I have always been someone who looks out for information… And when I realized that Inception was one such movie which would offer me help on this subject, I couldn’t hold myself to watch it at the earliest! The presence of Leonardo DiCaprio, Christopher Nolan’s direction and the hype created around this big budget flick were other stimulants which made me watch the movie at the first opportunity I got.

I won’t review the movie here. The reviews are available from various people in the international film fraternity in every nook and corner of the web… But, here I wish to talk about what I felt, how I can relate to it and what I think about it…

The first and foremost that comes to my mind, is a simple fact that has been highlighted even in the movie. The beginning of any dream is something you never remember… A fact, observed. We may still remember the middle parts and the end of the dream, but, how we landed there, how it all began, is the craziest mystery…

Again, where the story actually begins. Extraction. It’s just like stealing… An idea, a thought, a memory process. That’s all about just stealing. And still, not knowing that it’s already lost! And to my knowledge, that happens in real life too. May be not through forceful dream sharing and sedatives, but, by the simple wish and desire to let someone know something, but being reluctant to tell them ourselves… This does happen…

And then finally comes the art of Inception! Don’t we sow the seeds and ideas in our own heads? Deep into our past, somewhere, some thought, some idea, some realization has lead us to what we are today… Every action, every part of the behaviour we demonstrate, every series of thoughts, everything just doesn’t stem up from nowhere… It has a reason. And that reason is from our very own Inception to our own subconscious. Somewhere, someday… And this is not something that I am saying out of the blue… I can see that those thoughts which came to me when I was ten or twelve, those dreams, their effects. Those are what have made me ‘me’ today.

It’s an addiction. Once you begin dreaming, thinking, convincing yourself, you end up doing it again and again, even without knowing that you are doing it! That’s the Inception of out lives…!

Pretty much into the movie, all of us do doubt the existence of reality or being in a dream… I doubt the reality of this world that’s so-called ‘ours’. Our civilization (which is no more civilized, painfully). Is it possible that we are actually just sharing a dream of this world? That we really exist somewhere else and live here? That we are just the projections or we are sharing the dream of someone superior, who is the play-maker? That there is someone who has designed and planned it all? That these years that we spend here, would seem like minutes when we get back there? That when we die, we wouldn’t end up really dying, but just waking up? That when we are dreaming (not day-dreaming), that’s just a dream within a dream? Or even multiple layers of dreams? That this probably isn’t the real world? That the real world is free from the pain, sadness and all negative emotions that are just ‘projected’ out here? That this is just to teach us how we should live like humans when we wake up in the world we can then make for ourselves? Is this for our enlightenment? To open our eyes to what would happen do if we spoilt our real world like this? Is it so?

This is something that I am desperately, inquisitively wanting to know…

Do tell me if you find the answer!

Sie sehen!


>Demeanor Of Guilt

>Warning: I am not sure why I am writing this… But I am sure this one comes as a surprise to everyone, just as it does to me…

Guilt… Such a strange word… A broad meaning… Different applications… Wide usage… But, the underlying feature of all forms of them, is still just the same… Pain, regret, hurt… And after the guilt ride’s over, things are never the same as they were before… Guess that’s the reason each one of us, runs away from this word forgetting that it will collide with us, in some form or other, at some stage of our life…

This is the strange relation of guilt with our lives. Everyone of us does make that one mistake for which we consider ourselves unforgivable. How much ever we try to pacify ourselves, our loved ones try to convince us, all the efforts end up in vain as the guilt resurfaces sooner or later… But, in most cases, sooner than later.

That’s how we are. And for those lucky ones, there are more than one such inexcusable parts of our lives…

For some, guilt is a part and parcel of life… For some, it is a way of living… And for the rest of us, it’s something that ‘was’ a part of our life. Those who have learnt from their mistakes, and moved over their guilts. They appear to have. But somewhere deep inside, they still lament over what has happened. What it effect… What changes life made to them… Where they are today because of that one moment, second, minute or day… Where they would have been…

But it isn’t as it may seem. Guilt is a feeling that’s far more complex than just regretting and knowing it’s wrong… Guilt is a feeling that is far more obscure… Guilt is something that can destroy, and does destroy relations… But it also builds new ones on the foundation of trust and understanding. Those which are built by walking on the glass guilt spreads on their way… Guilt is something that changes the way we are, we look at things. Sometimes, it works for our better… Sometimes it doesn’t. And it’s just these few people in our lives, our relationships with whom cross the challenge of guilt, who can make it all fine for us. Who can help us make believe that everything is fine… That life is better without that phase of guilt…

Acceptance of being wrong is rare. And even rare is the ability to cope with the fact that we were wrong. I guess that’s the reason, that’s the place where ego and guilt coincide to form this reality of their co-existence…

Pain, regret, loss, running away from reality… What all can guilt do to us! It’s sometimes compelling for me (and probably many of us) to just let our heads drift into an unknown world… The world where we are free of our guilts… Our mistakes… Our pains… The so-called ‘ideal world’… And strangely, it isn’t as much a joy ride as it may seem. Because finally, we have accepted our lives to be such. Filled with guilt, pleasurable in the pain, and drowned within regrets… That’s how we see ourselves…

Probably that’s even how we wish we would die. We can’t see ourselves as a burden to others. May be, their being compelled to being around us is something that even they don’t wish to do… And when we realize this fact, life gets tougher…

Guilt, I believe is the prime reason for broken relationships, shattered dreams, torn families, for those rags-to-riches-to-rags stories, for suicides, for every tear that you shed when you see your loved ones in pain because of you, for every fake smile you put up so that someone would believe in it and smile for themselves, for those lost hopes, for those burnt memories, for those who lead a life searching for their reason and motive in life, for those who end up making a mess of their life just because they couldn’t hold themselves in that one moment, for those who are left alone, for those who live alone and for those who die alone…

We aren’t perfect… We make mistakes… We fall, we falter… And stand up, we do… At least, some of us do… While the rest remain, Deameanors Of Guilt…!


>Broken Solitude…

>When I look at the moon,
In the glittering sky,
Between the twinkling stars,
I can hear its lonely cry.

When I look at the sun,
In full glow,
I can feel the heat,
But with it the tears flow.

That’s how life is,
Slow and brute,
Awake but existing,
Through every feud.

Some trust lost,
A heart broken,
Within those few moments,
Our life was shaken.

Fear is no where,
Neither is life,
The reasons for dreaming,
Die with that cry.

Hands to hold,
People to talk,
That’s what’s gone,
And in came, the lone walk.

A short distance,
That now seems long,
Without you,
Everything seems wrong.

Fear kills the body,
Love heals the soul,
Asperous is life,
Not at all devoré.

I inhibit guilt,
Dare to live,
To face this loneliness,
I am still not brave.

Still not tired,
Will be waiting,
For your return,
My heart’s beating.

Hope still survives,
Trust keeps alive,
But in the end,
This is my broken solitude…

———————————————————————–

My third poem… A clear expression of the state I’m in…